Sunday, May 9, 2010

Thankful

Mom, I know we disagree- a lot. I can’t count the number of debates we’ve had, both on the phone and across the dinner table. Some of them are heated; most of them are mostly fun. It amazes me that no matter how smart I feel on any given day, you always manage to run circles around me. You’re always one step ahead.

I suspect that after the less pleasant conversations, neither of us feel very good. I want you to know, though, that I’m grateful for every word that’s passed between us. (Excepting, perhaps, some uttered in those angst-ridden teenage years). It means so very much to me to have a mother with the capacity to see truth, and the integrity to speak up when she identifies deviation from the straight and narrow. I may not always agree, but I am always thankful (and though I never say it, I do often come around to your viewpoint).

As for the other countless words- the debates over all things great and small- that constant flow of ideas has made my 30 years on this planet a time of joy, humor, and learning. I can’t imagine any other sort of life.

It strikes me, the force that words have on one’s life- shaping personality and spirit, much as rivers carve out and divide our landscape over time. Ever more striking is the weight of action and example. Many years now I’ve held you and dad up as a standard of proper living, in a wide variety of respects. Sadly, altogether too often, I fall short of that standard- but even then, your love, acceptance, and (sometimes not so gentle) nudging help me find my way back to the right. As I grow, I find more courage to live the life that I know is right, and yet even then I find that the courage was always there- instilled somewhere deep in my past. The example of your life has touched me deeply, and I trust that it will continue so for the rest of my days.

Whatever good there is in my life- in my circumstances, in my disposition, even in my actions- so much of that is due to you and your sustained influence in my life.

Thank you, mom.

Love,
Ben

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